TV Themes - Bosom Buddies

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(Mame and Vera)
We'll always be bosom buddies,
friends, sisters and pals.

We'll always be bosom buddies.
If life should reject you,
there's me to protect you.

(Vera) If I say that your tongue is vicious,
(Mame) If I call you uncouth,

(Both) It's simply that
who else but a bosom buddy
will sit down and tell you the truth?

(V.) Though now and again I'm aware
that my candid opinion may sting.

(M.) Though often my frank observation
might scald,

I've been meaning to tell you for years
you should keep your hair nat'ral like mine.

(V.) If I kept my hair nat'ral like yours,
I'd be bald!
But, darling,

(Both) We'll always be dear companions,
(V.) my crony,
(M.) my mate.

(Both) We'll always be harmonizing,
(V.) Orphan Annie and Sandy,
(Both) like Amos and Andy.

(V.) If I say that your sense of style's
as far off as your youth,

It's only that
who else but a bosom buddy
will tell you the whole stinkin' truth?

(M.) Each time that a critic has written:
"Your voice is the voice of a frog,"
straight to your side to defend you I rush.

You know that I'm there ev'ry time
that the world makes an unkind remark.

When they say:
"Vera Charles is the world's greatest lush"
it hurts me.

(V.) And If I say your fangs are showing,
Mame, pull in your claws,

It's simply that
who else but a bosom buddy
would notice the obvious flaws.

(M.) I feel it's my duty to tell you
it's time to adjust to your age.

You try to be "Peg O' My Heart"
when you're Lady Macbeth!

Exactly how old are you, Vera?
The truth!

(V.) Well, how old do you think?
(M.) I'd say somewhere in between
forty and death!

(Both) But sweetie,
(V.) I'll always be Alice Toklas
if you'll be Gertrude Stein.

And though I'll admit I've dished you,
I've gossiped and gloated,
but I'm so devoted.

(M.) And if I say that sex and guts
made you into a star,

Remember that
who else but a bosom buddy
will tell you how rotten you are?

(Both) Just turn to your bosom buddy
for aid and affection,

For help and direction,
for loyalty, love and for sooth;

Remember that
who else but a bosom buddy
will sit down and level,

And give you the devil,
will sit down and tell you the truth?!